For many years they were a source of laughter and joy for the children of New Guinea. Now they're no more than a bunch of homeless bums living in boxes behind local furniture outlets. What happened to the noble group known as the Brotherhood? Did they see the gruesome death of their friend mauled by bears. Was it that fateful night where someone slapped back one too many and got behind the wheel of a car driving head first at a small orphanage? No-one knows for sure. But that's what we're here for, to uncover the horrifying truth behind the Brotherhood.

Penniless and alone, Vince401 started out in the Internet business with very little to his name. A scar left from a severe case of poolside shenanigans and a pocket full of dreams. This was a man who knew the meaning of "No running around the pool." he learned the words shortly after his tragedy.

So Vince401 being an agitated, horny, and sexually confused young man, did what any one man would do, he held up a liquor store. And Vince commented on this experience.

Vince401 - "Well there was a lot of screaming going on. The whole thing was really a rush, I made off with at least 15 dollars in alcohol. It all seemed meaningless afterwards because I don't believe in evils like drinking. But after the event, I was so pumped and filled with excitement, I figured that it would probably be a good idea to start up an internet community, as was the trend at the time."

And build he did, three months later Vince had something to show from the hours he spent in his basement viewing pornographic materials. Though the page was horribly flawed and filled with grammar that could barely compete with the local Kindergarten classes, Vince knew he'd created something special. And so he sat back and waited for the ensuing people.

And he waited for a damn long time.

Vince401 - "I really didn't understand why nobody was coming. We had one home page which had naked pictures of me all over the front of it. In reality it was every teenage girls dream, and yet still they shied away. Finally I decided we should target a different demographic, that being the hardened criminals."

And so Vince changed the name of his website, down went, "Brad Pitt Naked Here, CLICK LINK! DESPERATE FOR HITS LOL NO SPYWARE HERE!" and up went, "The Brotherhood Of Britannia". Naturally the goal of the site was to now cut neat looking shapes into each other and go to war with other internet gangs. This attracted members like never before, the most vile, disgusting, and perverted men this side of asia came from far and wide. Jay Esthar commented on his experiences to us.

Jay Esthar - "Gang life was hard, there's no doubt about that. But I'm black, so there's nothing else I could have really done with my life instead smoking blunts, bitches, banks and boys from around the block. Ebonics is really an amazing language, not the stuff they tried to teach me in that big brown building my pops made me go to before I capped his ass, the real stuff you learn on the streets. Ebonics gives you 25 different ways to use words like Smoked, Phat and Damn, kind of like how eskimos have 25 different words for snow, and the French have 25 different ways of saying Surrender."

And so, after deciding that robberies weren't really their style Vince and Jay began their work as scientists. Even though they hadn't planned on it, both discovered they had extreme infatuation within building Androids (half men-half robots). So they began work together on a project code named T.Y.C.H.O. (Technical Yodeling Child Hating Ogre). This project lasted several minutes before they became bored and moved onto their original purpose of robbing banks.

Thus after several hours of prosperous robberies Jay and Vince became bored once more. Not to mention the severe disarray of going straight from building robots, to making brownies, to robbing banks, was putting quite a bit of stress on the pair. Quickly they traveled in their beat up Pinto to the local Dairy Queen where they knew they could kidnap members who could help to organize B*B. (BOB technically, but BOB sounds gay..) The first of which were three souls named RPGSpot, Beanie, and Dingo.

RPGSpot - "Back when I started at the B*B, the place was a mess! They didn’t have a coffee pot, Dingo was still using a typewriter, my desk was made out of a door and Tycho was only half-assembled. Plus the place smelled like urine. So me and another guy decide that we’re gonna go anonymously beat Vince and tell him that we want better working conditions. So we put on ski masks and we tossed a burlap sack over Vince’s head and beat him mercilessly with planks yelling about “workers’ rights” and “the revolution”. Turns out it was BlackIce we were beating… I think he died, or lived- One or the other. Actually, it turned out I wasn’t going to right office, Dingo just happened to work a second job in a sleazy tabloid."

Dingo - "A long time ago at B*B, when I was just getting started, this RPGSpot guy came around and started ridiculing my typewriter. As a way to get back at him, I urinated in his office. It was pretty crazy around there, and there was way too much chaos. The first day on the job, Spot used the company chainsaw to cut my door off and use it as a desk. Anyway, shortly after moving into my office, which doesn't have a ceiling, I immediately asked for a raise. According to Vince, I wasn't even getting paid, and I would have quit except for the fact that Spot was always outside my door with the chainsaw, and to be honest I didn't trust him. I ended up camping out in my office for 3 days without food or water, but plenty of sunlight from the lack of a roof over my office. Eventually Spot's chainsaw ran out of gas, and as he went to the corner store to buy some more, I snuck out of my office and ate Vince's stapler. I didn't really think about that one. And I'm still crapping staples..."

Beanie - "Ah, yes…the Brotherhood of Britannia. I remember those enchanting days when I first arrived at Vince’s paradise of 8-bit hopes and dreams. He found me as a young sprite artist, making my way day-to-day on the virtual streets of the internet, shining those virtual shoes. My first day on the job was interesting to say the least. After refusing to help some weird passer-by beat up Vince, I approached the office to find it was a large room full of many thousands of tins of spam. The spam was everywhere, and seemed to constantly materialize in front of my very eyes. I found a man named Vince at the back of the room, twitching all wild-eyed and licking coffee from the floor. Yes…those were the days…and nights…of random, anonymous se-"

Vince401 - "It's a little known fact that original we hired a psychotic killer from the local prison to do a Chainsaw safety course, but he quickly bailed after he tried to eat the corpse of BlackIce."

The death of unknown member BlackIce rocked the community. Though nobody knew quite what he did we all knew he was slightly important and that's when the joking around, the hard drugs, the driving through the local Wendy's ordering then driving off, came to a screeching halt. And with their heads held solemnly to the left, the B*B staff did their best to restore order.

Vince401 - "After that one guy died we did a bit of a full U-Turn. B*B was a chaotic and hectic hellhole but we changed it into an industrious office place, with real desks. Though Spot had intended to take my life through his horrible mistake I learned he was a valuable asset to B*B and gave him a full office and a mysterious job that he would only discover after following the secret treasure map that I glued under his coffee machine."

RPGSpot - "When I got the B*B office, it did have a coffee pot and my desk wasn’t too bad. I didn’t really know what my job was, so I mostly wandered around with a cup of coffee, sometimes tea, talking to other people working. They didn’t really like that, so I spent most of my time in the meeting room making airplane noises. Sometimes I would get the cake for office birthdays, and sometimes I’d say I was going to get the cake, but instead I just took it home."

So from chaos came order, and from order came an industrious site with many colorful things to offer to the public. It was at this point that B*B realized they would need partners to help them distribute pretty images and secret maps disguised as every day .gifs that lead to the mass quantities of cocaine that buyers were seeking.

One such .gif/secret cocaine manager was known as the enigmatic, Mr. Breaker. He differs from the rest in that even to this day he has maintained his fortune. However money has not corrupted his omnipotent personality and we naturally caught up for an interview.

Mr. Breaker - "Jeeves, get me my breakfast. Ahhhhhhhh yes, the grand productive days. They were quite peaceful. Ahhhhhh, thank you Jeeves, leave the bottle please. Ahhhhhh, now where was I. Oh yes, the productive days. I remember rising with the sun to smell the morning air. The smell of the of an oak swept through the house after a night brought in the scent of a sweet sweet summer rain. Those were the days. (Pours a glass and drinks it in one throw). Ahhhhhh yes, this does help. Oh contrare, it helps indeed. See here boy, I'm building a levy here. Brick by brick, gulp by gulp. Remind me of those days where I used to make up stories simply by whistling into the sunlight. (Pours a glass and drinks it in one throw). No sir, I am not drunk. (Pours a glass and drinks it in one throw)…………Now sir, I am drunk."

Now was the time to strike, the iron was hot, the fish were swimming in that big ol sea, and Breaker was slapping back gin faster than monkeys throw poo at eachother. Partnerships were at hand. The first stop in the line of affiliates was the RPGArmoury, where Vince gave an offer that could not be refused. Fenix, the web master of the Armoury, comments.

Fenix - "When B*B first approached me for affiliation, I almost wanted to orgasm myself dry. However, being a man, it would involve rub...anyways, I was quite surprised when we affiliated. It was almost like playing golf with Jesus. If we didn't pull our meat he'd fry us with his eye lasers. I sometimes imagined Vince frying me with his eye lasers...oooh baby. But the affiliation worked out fine, and B*B and RPGArmoury have had a very healthy non-sexual, non-physical relationship ever since."

With strings in all the right places and their new android friend Tycho complete, things were looking very up for the Brotherhood.

Tycho - "I remember the day Vince finally decided to finish creating me. He stumbled in half-naked with a drunken stupor and had a pair of exorcism tongs in his had.” Unfortunately, he decided to let me experience true pain, but all in all it was worth it. The heat-seeking missiles and lasers eyes served me well robbing all the banks the Brotherhood needed in order to keep it afloat.

Still, I wondered if there was some higher meaning to life. The drunken orgies and nighttime incest shootings got old at times… Sometimes I just felt like screaming, ‘God, help me! Vince and Jay are using the robotic remote to force me to solicit as a prostitute again.’ Then I’d quiet down and electrify wartime prisoners. Doing that always made me feel better.”

B*B made a lot of progress in this time period, and obtained many new members ranging from the ghastly old to the too young to type complete sentences. Many came and went, and it was estimated that before the collapse B*B would have been well worth several pogs and a slammer. Remember pogs? Here's a picture to refresh your memory.

StarmanDX Comments

StarmanDX - "Honestly, I can't remember exactly when or where I met Vince. In fact, now that I think about it, one day I swear he just magically popped into my life muttering things in that adorable mixture of ancient Babylonian curses and angry drunken pirate songs that he uses.

It was not long before he taught me the ways of pogs. Pogs are pretty damn awesome. He taught me how to kill a man with pogs. This is a secret I cannot disclose at this time, but let me tell you, ninjas got nothin' on pogs. Also, if you kill someone with a pog, their soul becomes entrapped inside the pog. I've found little use for souls as of yet, but they go great on toast."

Then one day Vince401 took lots of pills and turned B*B into a brothel. The one thing no man would ever complain about, because everyone likes women, except gay people, and even they kinda like women, they like wearing their clothes at least. RPGSpot comments.

RPGSpot - "But yeah, more or less, I prefer foreign women. American women annoy me, and Italian women know how to cook. Ooh man, I tell you, I’d toss a burlap sack over your head and beat you mercilessly with planks for a plate of sausage and peppers right now. God bless you, Italian women."