Back in 1981 the entire community using
Apple II computers was rocked by what is acknowledged
as the worlds first virus, known as the Elk Cloner it
used a slightly less advanced system of spreading than
today's current malicious programs. If you caught it,
it came on the OS installation disc. The word malicious
is used extremely loosely though as to this day nobody
is quite sure what the thing was supposed to do. Needless
to say this was the first devastating blow to the 4 people
in the Mac community.
However in these tempestuous times we
live in, Viruses and Spyware run rampant through the virtual
forest of illegal ROMs and pornography that we call the
internet. Now most people don't think twice about signing
onto the web without the proper protection, but before
you even get involved in complicated things like Firewalls
and Birth Control you should first learn some of these
handy tricks to help prevent Spyware and Viruses from
bending you over like the little bitch you are, just follow
these 5 easy steps.
1. Don't be a god damn moron.
If you receive an email with an attachment,
even if it's from someone you know, it's probably a virus!
Unless it specifically states otherwise.
In these high tech industrial times we
live in you will most likely be prompted to change the
file's extension to an .exe, these are good instructions
provided that you believe you have been sent a legitimate
program like Kazaa or the Hot Bar!
That one is much better.
2. Exclamation points emphasize your point!
And some would consider using the word
point twice in that sentence redundant!
3. Dr. Phil™ will save you!
It
seems like Dr. Phil™ has his hands in everything
these days and anti virus and spyware removal tools are
his top concern aside from pregnant teenage girls with
attitudes. And that is why in late 2005 it's predicted
he will release the Dr. Phil™ Anti Virus and Spyware
Lecturing Program. Rather than remove the harmful software
he will ridicule it and point out how blatantly harmful
and annoying it is. Introspectively the Spyware will consider
what it has learned and hopefully will decide to change
it's ways while on television.
4. Oprah on the other hand has nothing
to do with the internet.
While Oprah possesses the notable skill
of being able to defecate on a piece of paper and get
people to buy it, she does not have anything to do with
the internet, do not look to her for support but instead
for someone to tell you what books and information you
should read and enjoy.
5. You did not win an iPod.
Sorry.
The road to enlightenment
is paved with razor blades and death, but if you keep
these steps in mind you're bound to not get cut by the
proverbial rusty blades. Let us all rejoice.
------------------------
A
public service announcement from Vince401!
Hello
friends, we've had a lot of fun at the expense of Oprah
and another very serious issue. Spyware may seem funny
but it's not, if you know someone who has been infected
or is tampering with Spyware it's your duty to help them,
you wouldn't let your friend drive a car while intoxicated,
why would you let them browse the web with spyware? Thank
you for your time, have a safe evening.
