| Boys and girls (but
mainly boys), it has come to my attention, as a member of
WHACK (the World-Honored Association of Commie Knucklers)
, that many of you are not aware of a danger so haneous, so
ridiculously scary, so horibly pants-wetifying, that those
slobs in Washington don't want you to even know about it!
Yes, I am talking
about horrible boy-band mutants... wait! No I'm not! What
I really meant to say is that a danger now confronts the
entire world, a danger so great that those jerks in Paris
have been trying to keep it concealed from before our very
eyes!  You see, long long ago
in a galaxy far far away... a group of evil Jedi decided
to start a league so haneous, so terrible, so horribly teeth-chattering-so-much-that-they-breakifying,
that those monkeys in Boise don't want you know about it.
Unfortunately for the Jedi, once they left the planet Krypton,
they lost the force for every appearent reason (which we
won't get into- it should be painfully obvious why the forced
DIED LIKE A GIRAFFE THINGY!). Continuing on, the Jedi landed
on earth and set about enacting their evil plan. Because
the Jedi were practically gods, and we all know that gods
without powers live forever, they each plotted for a thousand
years.
One of
these Jedi was named Karl Marx. He did some stuff and some
other things happened and then suddenly the communistis
ruled the earth.
Anyway,
more things happened, some people died, a puppy was born,
and suddenly we're at the "end" of the Cold War. The Reds,
seeking to confuse and confuzzle their less clever Cappy
counterparts, decided to begin the operational plan known
as "Make Other People be Communist." As we all know, the
Socialists have radical ideas about property and wealth...
but they're not in this story! Essentially, the Reds decided
to attack the Americans where it would hurt the most: their
inner cities.
 Yes my friends, Inner-City Communism is
a plague upon the face of all the Western world. In fact,
those fiends have even decided to try and change city names
to crazy things like "Capitalist Land of Mega-Corporate
Land-holding Stuff" and "Wacky World!"
And so
today little Billy asked me what he could do to stop this
threat. I told him, "Billy, be sure to indoctrinate all
your friends with right-wing innuendo. And if you ever see
anybody who even remotely cares for the poor, shoot them
on the spot with your new Microwave spam ray!!" Little Billy
then proceeded to kill such prominent Reds as the head of
the American Red Cross, Al Gore, the head of the Salvation
Army, and Oprah Winfrey (she actually wasn't a red- she
was just annoying). Sure little Billy is in jail, but he
sure did make a fine lean steak.
In conclusion,
Hollywood is leading our children down a path of moral corruption.
Look a broad! *points* *runs in other direction*
|
