It's
not an unknown fact that several of our forum members hail
from up North. Montana is a state, not quite as useless
as Canada, and not quite as Redneck as the south but nonetheless
Montana houses some excellent towns known to most as the
land of the Hillbillies. A generally peaceful land, the
Hillbilly world is rarely a dangerous one.
But
these days it's becoming harder and harder to say that.
Hillbilly towns tend to be safe, but with today's "hip-hop"
and poorly constructed pitchfork handling laws, really nobody
can be safe. So, are you plagued by living in a small Hillbilly
town? Well here are some common dangers to stay away from.
Farmer's
Daughters:
Luring suitors with their ever tempting siren songs, Farmer's
Daughters are a dangerous meal for the average young man.
On the one hand, it is an unspoken rule in the Hillbilly
land that Farmer's always have scantily clad, and attractive
daughters who are just aching for a good time. On the other,
slightly less comforting hand, it is a very violently spoken
rule that outsiders are not to touch said Daughters. While
one can risk it, ask yourself if it's really worth being
run over for a tractor just for a small taste of that oh
so sweet honey?
French
Maids are much easier prey..
Banjo
Duels:
Banjos are to Hillbillies as flint lock pistols are to Southern
Gentlemen, when honor is at stake it's perfectly common
in the land of the hill folk to hear differences being solved
through the musical antics of two Banjo players. Unpredictable
and untamable, the Banjo Player is a fearsome opponent.
One would expect the slight lack of teeth to prevent biting...one
would be wrong.
Mildly
retarded man with lawnmower blade:
Often seen befriending children and single mothers, most
don't expect this quiet and mild mannered man to go off,
but by golly he does. One day you're sitting there talking
about different kinds of pastas and suddenly he just explodes
in rage cutting off your head with a big ol lawnmower blade
that you probably should have taken away from him the second
you saw him.
That's an awful nice paper bag you have there Jimmy, if
I didn't already have one I WOULD CUT OFF YOUR HEAD AND
TAKE YOUR BAG AND THERE WOULDN'T BE JACK SHIT YOU COULD
DO TO STOP ME CUZ YOU WOULD JUST BE SOME DEAD PREPUBESCENT!
Wolf
Girl:
People raised by wolves always tend to be a little different.
While I can't prove that wolf girls roam Montana it's best
to play it safe. Bring along silver bullets, crosses, and
the blood of a virgin. Nobody is quite sure how to kill
a wolf girl, but one of those is bound to do it, and if
not...well there really isn't a valid response to that...
She so crazy!
Anyhow,
it's a dangerous world out there, RPG Spot and Vessol have
survived it so far, but who's to say they'll keep it up
for much longer? Pray for our friends in their foreign land,
they need it now more than ever.
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