Reviews are
fun, I actually downloaded RMXP for this but I will still
review it in our rm2k fashion and treat it as though it
was an Rm2k game.
Note: You may notice all the screenshots
are the same, that's because you will see that screen for
about the first 20 minutes of playing the game until you
figure out what the hell is going on.
Edit on behalf of the author: again the
argument that Playabilty is more important than a Story
to this type of game has been gnawing at me. So I've made
Playability worth 30 and Story worth 10. Not that it really
helped the score, but I believe in fairness.
Graphics: Unfortunately that opening paragraph
does not bode well for  graphics.
Everything was taken from RMXP's RTP, if this was done on
an rm2k game everyone would say OMGWTFYOUN00B but because
it's rmxp the RTP hasn't been as widely seen people will
give you a break. So let me be the first to say OMGWTFYOUN00B.
Now in order for me to award points I would
have to say something good about the graphics, so we will
suffice for this comment. When I was inside a building,
I knew I was in a building, when I was outside I knew I
was outside. Bravo.
5/20
Playability: Here is where a puzzle game
should excel, HOWEVER here's a short list of the things
we LACK.
A- Instructions
B- A slow introduction to the game rather than jumping us
in at a difficult point.
C- The ability to live for five seconds in the first part
of the game. You can only avoid instant death if you IMMEDIATELY
move left and down, and even then there's no time to stop
and think.
D- An author who deemed it necessary to make an event with
more than 6 lines of code. The Ice in one of the levels
ALMOST counts, but not really.
E- Increasing difficulty, it's pretty much on retardedly
hard from the start.
Frankly it was like playing Pac Man except
when I got caught I had to hit enter
twice and read the same 3 lines over and over again. Haha
I've got you or whatever the girls say. "You are mine."
is another. The only playability in this game is the controls
which are predetermined by the programmers of RMXP, thus
this game shouldn't get any points for it.
0/30
Story: The argument has come up that a puzzle
game or as the creator refers to it "a platformer"
does not have a story. Sonic 2 was a platformer and it had
a story, even Mario had a story, Jazz God Damn Jackrabbit
had a story. Tetris maybe not, but Tetris still had text
and some kind of interface so you had some idea what your
goal was. This game just puts you on a narrow strip of land
with "girls" who inexplicably want to kill you
or something like that...yay?
In short, Bejeweled has a more gripping
storyline than this.
0/10
Music: All RTP music can be acceptable,
but there isn't even that in this demo. Nope,
no music whatsoever. There's not even sound. I personally
can't believe it because a game that lacks NO DEPTH whatsoever
should at least have some kind of catchy tune to help you
forget how bad you're being screwed in the ass, luckily
you didn't pay money for this, but still you wasted 4 seconds
downloading it, and you can't put a price on time.
You can't give points to what's not there.
On the other hand there's no squaresoft tunes strumming
the whole way, and that certainly deserves a point.
1/20
Finishing The Job: In the end what it all
comes down to is that calling this a "video
game" is the equivalent of calling Night Court uninteresting,
the biggest difference is that Night Court seems to be more
interactive than this...thing. Frankly it wasn't worth the
time it took to find a copy of RMXP. I make sure at the
end of all of my reviews to note that it shouldn't be possible
to receive the lowest score, but when you're reviewing a
game that's the bare minimum of what defines a game, I suppose
anything is possible.
0/20
FINAL SCORE: 6/100 = F
Grading Scale
100%-90% = A - Wow you truly are god. Let
me kiss your feet plz.
89%-70% = B - You've got Kinks to work out
but it's still a very good game worth the time.
69%-50% = C - Meh it's not bad but it's
not great. You've still got a lot of work to do.
49%-30% = D - Wow this really is crap. This
is so bad I've put an ancient death curse on you.
39% and below = F - This score shouldn't
even be possible. Your game has to be the worst piece of
crap to ever grace this earth. I feel sorry for you and
if you ever have offspring let me assure you they will be
disgraced to know you once made a game this crappy.
Normally this is the spot where I say that
these are just my opinions and it doesn't hurt to try the
game out, but this isn't even a game that's so bad it's
funny, it's just bad.
If for some reason you don't love yourself
you can get the game here. |
