We all know
Vince already made a Hitman-based literature article, but
I figured I'd make one too. Why? Because there's some funny
things of my OWN I'd like to point out about my gaming adventures.
And I have quite a few. You see, I'm a reckless gamer. I'll
do something other people would look at and go "That
was stupid, why didn't he just _______?" where the
blank is something that actually makes sense. And the answer,
as always, is "Because I can."
After
purchasing Hitman: Contracts, I found that a demo had been
released of the third level. I hadn't gotten to the third
level yet, since it takes me several tries to get through
each level... so I gave it a download. Blah blah, title
screen, pretty cinemas, stuff I already saw. The third level
happened to be in Russia, where they conveniently start
you out inside of a Russian cargo plane. You start behind
cover, so not to be seen by the guards. Now, there are a
number of ways to beat this level, and I decide to leave
through the back of the plane and sneak over to a guard
tower and let myself in. Fair enough. Unlocked door. I wander
around and notice a ladder leading to a sublevel. So I take
a peek, and climb down. I walk down a long stone corridor,
and beside me is a window. There's a guard in the window,
and has his back turned to me, watching TV. So I sneak past
the window. Curiously, there is a little eskimo working
on the water pipes. He's just a civilian. I felt compelled
to sneak up behind him and drape him over my shoulder with
the garrotte wire until he ceased breathing. Was he really
working on the water pipes? We'll never know.
The great thing about this game is you can
kill anyone without consequence. Even the poor civilians.
And it's worth noting that after I killed Mr. Eskimo, I
yanked his clothes off and took them for myself. I was now
Hitman: Silent Eskimo.
I wandered around topside for a while, just
generally looking fluffy and innocent (Except for the fact
that I'm a six-foot-2 American bald guy). I looked at the
guards and waved, rode the little wooden passenger slab
across a rail to a sunken top-secret submarine with nuclear
scientists on the job - And I was shot. Apparently eskimos
aren't allowed in the sunken submarine nuclear guard thing
area. How was I to know? But there was only one thing to
do. I pulled out my two pistols, and it was time to finally
become Hitman: Not-So-Silent Eskimo. After railing about
12 guards with my pistols, I found myself running dry on
ammo. I went over to pick up an assault rifle one of the
guards was carrying, and as I picked it up, I got shot.
I then went into a really groovy bullet-time mode. Instantly
I said "Whoa, what button did I push? This wasn't in
the instruction book!" And I looked at my life gauge.
It was empty. No, not a pixel of life left. It was EMPTY.
So I said "Hm, that's funny". As it turns out,
the game goes into slow-motion mode when you've depleted
your life, and shortly after, you'll die. It's all part
of the dying suspense, apparently. But I didn't find it
funny or suspenseful. They shot my eskimo. But then again,
I suppose in a way, I shot their eskimo too (Or, strangled
him to death, but it's the same damn thing... sorta).
I suppose the moral of this story is, try
something new when playing your games, maybe you'll be able
to pull off something quite zany. Or maybe you'll die an
eskimo's death. You never know. (As a final note, I DID
end up beating the level using full-on stealth and cunning.
See, I'm not an idiot, but I do like to screw around.) |
