Think
about it. Absolutely every-one in the developed world is
striving to be the same thing. We all want to have the same
things, like the same things, and be the same person. It
really does make sense. Unfortunately. Screw the arrival
of the four horsemen, stuff the nuclear holocaust, a big
ol’ meteorite or some mega powerful disease. This is the
real end of the world.
When you go out
with your friends, you’re probably wearing similar things,
laughing at the same jokes, vandalising the same parts of
town. It’s understandable, that is why they’re your friends
after all. A few people with similarities never hurt. But
what happens when you meet up with another group of friends?
Well, you’ll probably find that half of them know half of
you, and you’ll all get along, wearing the same things,
laughing at the same jokes, vandalising the same parts of
town. Not that much different between groups really.
Whatever
happened to the good ol’ days where you could tell how high,
or low, some-one was in the social food chain by the clothes
they wore? The days where geeks wore knitted vests or War
Hammer T-shirts, and the popular kids wore sporting clothes
and designer gear. Now, well, it’s all the same bland brands
of faceless, impersonal clothing. We all want the white
trainers, the blue jeans, the jacket that looks like some-one
has spilt paint on it, the shirt with a cool phrase on it,
and to top it all off a baseball cap. Even here in England,
which doesn’t have baseball. And the shirts, oh man, you’ll
see the same shirt being worn by five different people each
day, you learn the slogans off by heart, hate them all would
rather castrate yourself with a rusty spoon than see another
one of the damned things.
But it’s not
just clothes. It’s also what we like as entertainment. I
used to tell a joke that was mildly disturbing to a non-social
outcast and they’d hurl so much abuse at me. Now have to
bring out the big guns to get any kind of reaction. And
films, since when did guys want to go and see romantic comedies,
and girls horror and action films? It’s just not right.
Worst of all, I now find that myself and my outcast friends
know cool stuff about sports and pop music, and it scares
me ladies and gentlemen, it scares me greatly.
Not even in our
ages are we safe. Only babies can escape, for those precious
months before they can eat solid food. After that, BAM!
You’re being dressed up just like any-one else, no cute
shirt with Tigger on for you, oh no, it’s straight to white
trainers, blue jeans, jacket covered in paint, shirt with
a slogan that has been raped to death and a baseball cap
for you. By the time you’re walking you’ve already put on
your first miniskirt and mascara if you’re a girl, and already
done you’re first tommy tank if you’re a guy.
When you hit
the teenage years, and onto your twenties, you’re at what
the rest of society strives to be! You are the epitome of
age perfection! You’re young, beautiful, free to do what
you want in the name of youth! Your whole life is ahead
of you! But then this means you are also the epitome of
boredom and un-originality. You’re rebelling hardly affects
the parents anymore, why you could shove a spliff down your
grandma’s throat and only the choking/high granny would
notice.
Middle aged people
today don’t get older, no matter how many birthdays pass
them by, or they’re just in their ‘middle youth’, afraid
to mature. The name really says it all, your in the middle
of your time in this world. Stop holding onto the years
you’ve lost, quit rebelling and get some responsibility.
You are half way to being dead, remember? The same goes
with the old. Only a few days ago a local party animal died
of a heart attack, and we were shocked to find she was actually
ninety two! They see the retirement like a second childhood,
catching up for ‘missed’ youth. Yeah, you missed it. Tough
luck. No get back to knitting and talking about the good
old days.
It seems like
we’re slowly evolving further from apes. We’re heading towards
a race of she-males that come out of our mother’s/father’s
womb dressed in white trainers, blue jeans, a shirt a crappy
slogan, a paint stained jacket and a baseball cap. And then
we utter a joke that makes the whole planet laugh.
Now, for those
of you out there who are thinking ‘I don’t want to be like
that’ fear ye not! There are places for people like you!
Just huddle over your computer in a darkened room, drinking
mountain dew, looking for the few people on the Internet,
those who refuse to be swept away by this new world! If
you’re old we’ll lock you up in a ‘care’ home! There you
can wear what you want, talk about what you want and be
kept away from society in general!
But, if you prefer
an option that doesn’t involve being alone, or having “UNCLEAN!”
shouted at you when you step out into the street, then go
along with it all. Become boring. Become faceless, meaningless,
lose your personality and uniqueness. Conform. Every-one
else is headed towards this bland state that can barely
be classified as existence. So join them. Become the human
incarnation of beige.
So, can anyone
help us Well, there are those who still have a personality,
and sense of self, even though they think they can cast
magic and have pointy ears! But, these thirty-year-old virgins
are too busy in their parent’s basement playing D&D
to help us
And it hit me
while writing this that if it is our individuality, our
ability to be our own person that makes us human, then these
are the best our species has to offer
We are
so fuggin’ screwed
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