| This
is a story I came up with when I was asked, "what would
happen if Kuja, from FF9, met Sephiroth, from FF7?" This
story was my answer. Be warned that it pokes fun at many
Final Fantasy clichs, and as such, it may not be understood
by those who don't play Squaresoft games. It also has some
American clichs. If you're not American, you probably won't
understand some of the jokes. Otherwise, Enjoy!
*Note: FF = Final Fantasy
The Final Fantasy
VII Cast:
 
  
Tifa Sephiroth Barret Cloud
Yuffie
The Final Fantasy
IX Cast:
   
Kuja Zidane Dagger Vivi
Other Characters:
Narrator NEW VOICE
Narrator: Kuja is chasing Zidane and his friends
and they all accidently run through one of the many portals
that dot Gaia, the world in which they live. This portal leads
them to a room called "Thedevelopersroomofdoom."
Kuja: "But Dagger my love, we'd make such a
cute couple! I could wear your clothes and you could wear
mine."
Narrator: Another portal opens inside the room,
and Cloud and his friends enter the room and are followed
shortly by Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: Crap, now where have you pesky little
fools led me? All I wanted to do was to destroy humanity with
the summon called Meteor and to become all-powerful. Was that
too much to ask?
Kuja: Hey, I know the feeling pal. At least
you're not being beaten by your annoying little brother like
I am.
Narrator: The heros and villians seperate and
converse among themselves.
Zidane: So, Tifa, you mean in your world you
can get them that big?! Maybe I should take Dagger there and
get her some...alterations... *Dagger slaps Zidane* What?
I only wanted it for you...
Barret: Yep, this metal arm sure does give me
rashes along the places where it touches the skin. Any ideas
as to how I can fix that, Vivi?
Dagger: Ooh, I love what you've done with that
materia Yuffie. I'm stuck using magical "abilities" that for
some reason come with my clothes.
Narrator: And so the converations carried on.
The villians began to formulate a deal in which they would
both help to eliminate each other's problems.
Sephiroth: Well, shall we set of to destroy
my world. I just need help summoning this pesky meteor spell
and then...
Kuja: Hey Hey Hey! We were going to MY world
first!
Sephiroth: No we weren't! We agreed to stop
this Cloud guy and his pesky friends first and then we would
go to your world.
Kuja: LIAR!!!! Well, I don't need your help
anyway. I can handle my own problems. Unlike some people here...
Sephiroth: Well at least I don't wear a bra
and a midriff! I have common decentcy.
Kuja: WHY YOU!!! You stupid head. I don't wear
a bra... just a bikini on certain occassions. At least I don't
have problems controlling a wimpy puppet of mine...unlike
you!
Sephiroth: I don't have problems
controlling my family like you do. "OOH look at me! I'm Kuja!
I can't defeat my pesky little brother who has no magical
power."
Kuja: My plans for evil are better than your's.
I get to destroy the whole universe by shattering a crystal.
You only are summoning some pesky meteor to blow up a planet.
Neener-neener!
Sephiroth: Take that back!
Kuja: Never!
Narrator: And so the two fought and magical
was shot all over the place. AND THEN, A NEW VOICE CAME UPON
THE SCENE.
NEW VOICE: Stop it you two! I won't have my
creations fighting!
Kuja: Who're you?
NEW VOICE: I am the producer of the Final Fantasy
games. Those are the very games in which you reside. I came
upon this scene because I sensed that my creations had stumbled
upon some trans-warp dimentional glitch in the games that
was missed durring beta testing.
Sephiroth: Huh?
NEW VOICE: Basically, none of you are supposed
to be here. Portals to the various games will open soon.
Narrator: And thus, portals to all the FF games
opened.
NEW VOICE: Oh yes, Kuja, before you go, I need
to tell you something. The ESRB won't allow us to suggest
bi-sexuality in our games anymore. Some religious Republican
came to power in congress and he's really tightened the rating
systems on games. Sorry Kuja, but you have to go.
Kuja: But... but... I just like to dress like
girls... I don't want to be a women!
NEW VOICE: I know I know. Look at it from my
perspective. If I don't change you to something family oriented,
your game will get the dreaded "Adults" rating and we'll loose
all the underaged FF fanboys.
Narrator: And with that, the NEW VOICE transformed
Kuja into a bunny with large teeth.
Kuja: A BUNNY! YOU MADE ME INTO A BUNNY!
Sephiroth: He said he needed something "family
oriented!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Kuja: Why YOU!
Narrator: And with that, Kuja leapt upon Sephiroth
and they both fell into the FF4 portal from whence they never
returned (until the next story is made).
Cloud: It looks like it's time to go home. Let's
go.
Narrator: And so the characters began to go
back to their own lands.
NEW VOICE: Hey, Tifa, before you go, would you
like to go get a cup of coffee or something? I could make
a video game version of myself and...
Tifa: Sicko. You think I'd go out with you?
I know what kind of a pervert you are. Just look at how you
designed me! These aren't even physically possible except
in a video game!
NEW VOICE: Garnet?
Dagger: Talk to the hand. I'm outta here.
Narrator: And thus the characters returned to
their own lands.
NEW VOICE: Why do I have to be so lonely? *cries*
Narrator: There there big fella. You'll find
somebody. *turns to audience* Stay tuned for the next episode
where Kuja and Sephiroth enconter the world of FF4! Until
next time, keep gaming! Or game making... or whatever you
do.
Squarsoft logo and names are copyright
their respective owners.
Story is a derivative work and 2002 Tycho McKorly and
B*B Productions. All rights reserved
A special thanks to 'Someone's
Avatar Page, The
Ugly People site and Final
Fantasy Avatars for providing the character's pictures.
|
