| Random
Content |
Not Quite Ludus |
| View |
|
Cherry
Pepsi: Betrayal on the Foreigners |
By Lord Of Dingoes |
 You've seen Cherry Pepsi before. Calm, cool, sweet... cherry-ful.
But there's a dark and sinister side to this soft drink. This
isn't any old secret. This is a SECRET OF THE BLUEBAR HILL
PEOPLE SQUADRON. Who are the BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON?
They're anti-Brazil warmongers hellbent on never revealing
Cherry Pepsi to the uncivilized world of Brazil. But first,
you may be wondering, what is Brazil? Well, Brazil is a large
village in northern China named after Brazil Braziloni Thompson
of the REDBAR SQUADRON HILL ELEPHANT TRIBE. This information
is all very important because it is not relevant to the story.
Basically, the BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON had overrun the
village of Brazil and taken their hill elephants. And their
hills. They then ran away screaming for some important reason
which I can't remember because it's not important. There (Wherever
they ran to) they developed - Yep - Cherry Pepsi. Back then
they called it Arocknock. A-Rock-Nock. Say it with me. They
called it this because... Anyways, changing the subject back
to present day.
The deep, dark secret. The BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON refuses
to, even now, bring their Cherry Pepsi over to the fair village
of Brazil. But why SHOULD it be in Brazil? Well... Brazil
is the leading manufacturer of Charmin toilet tissue. This,
if you didn't know, is a brand of edible toilet tissue that
tastes like a fruit rollup, and you eat it after you're done
wiping. This makes for a very efficient cycle, where you use
the toilet AND get dinner at the same time. For those of you
more health-conscious consumers, you will already have known
also about Aspara-Wipe, another product from Charmin. It's
made of compressed asparagus in paper form. You just boil,
wipe, and eat. No cleanup! Because of this revolutionary product,
Brazil was promised import of ALL major beverages. This should
include BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON brand Cherry Pepsi.
 In
conclusion, the great people of Brazil need Cherry Pepsi.
They require it to live! Thousands of children every day die
of premature-superhuge-finger-nail-growth every year, and
what's the main cause? You guessed it - Cherry Pepsi. Some
think that the BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON does this on purpose...
but we will never know. So please, sign this petition _________
(Sorry folks this is all the space for everyone's name) and
tell your local government, school of fish, or maybe your
cheating spouse about this! It's important to the native Brazilians'
health. |
|
---------------------------------- |
| |
|
|
