Throughout
history computers and programs have advances. And in the
wonderous age we live in, it's never a wonder when new leaps
are taken in AI (Artificial Intelligence for the non-nerds).
And throughout history men and women alike enjoyed torturing
and finding loops in this AI. After getting bored one day,
I determined I too, could mess with this AI. And so we'll
start with 2 basic games.
Roller
Coaster Tycoon
Mmmm
a finer game, I have not seen, fun, exciting, and something
that could keep you busy for hours. However the people that
inhabit this lovely theme park world ain't too smart. But
who can blame them, they're from the 90's and stuck there
forever. For example, along my way I decided to build a
Shuttle Loop rollercoaster. For those who don't know, a
Shuttle Loop fires the car from the station accelerating
very fast, and traditionally goes through a loop then up
a long stretch of track that goes straight into the air.
It then comes back down goes backwards through the loop
and back to the station. So I build it, run it a few times,
yeah it seems okay.
But
alas, it wasn't "Xtreme™" enough for my taste.
So instead of setting the launch speed to 30 MPH I jacked
it up to a nice smooth 70. Along comes a pedestrian named
George, looking for a grand old time, so he decides to ride
my rollercoaster, I figure he's had fair warning as the
ride is even named The Deathinator so George must have just
lost all his money in the stock market or something.
Sure
enough George burns up in a beautiful inferno, George's
deathwish is fulfilled, you go George! And so the ride closes
down because it's dangerous or something. Pfft yeah right
I payed MONEY for that, it's reopening, and open it does,
quickly attracting visitors and a couple dumbasses who refuse
to ride because it's not "safe". I laughed called
them pussies and watched as another batch of those loveable
rollercoaster bastards died.
The
Sims
Everyone
likes the Sims. Letting your pointless creations roam around
and live life. But these sims aren't always too bright,
all they wanna do is dance and not work when you tell them
to. Pfft, so finally one day after my sim, Jana decided
not to call the maid, she was on her way to the phone and
just fell asleep on the floor, what a wimp. I decided I
would show her, after her refreshing nap I demanded she
cook food for the other disgruntled sims living in the household.
But alas, we have no money for food. "No worries."
says me, this accompanies a puzzled look by my mother who
is watching a tv show on the other side of the room. I promptly
deleted the most useless things in the house to earn money.
Doors, windows, fire alarms, carpet, and so on. Hooray now
Jana can make a delightful treat. Jana throws her creation
into the oven, and apparently being the complete dolt she
is left like dynamite in the cake or something because it
caused the oven to explode in a fiery blaze. Way to go Jana,
you total dumbass.
Okay
so now Jana's prized belongings and fellow sims are burning
to a delightfully crisp
flavor and what does Jana do? Not a damn thing. Does she
break through the wall in a vain attempt to escape the blaze?
No of course not, she stands right next to the fire actually,
flailing her arms perhaps hoping that Captain Planet will
come to save her. Sadly Jana never called the maid and her
house is a sty, so it's best to assume that Captain Planet
had better things to do than save Jana's sorry littering
ass. And actually in reality if he did show up he just would
have hit Jana and said catchy lines like "Time to take
out the trash!" So Jana stands by the fire and eventually
catches on fire herself, good work Jana! After several minutes
of flinching and burning the Grim Reaper shows up and I
promptly throw a house party in honor of Jana and her roomates
deaths. Of course only the reaper is there to party, but
hey that doesn't mean we're not having fun. |
