But these days it's becoming harder and harder to say that. Hillbilly towns tend to be safe, but with today's "hip-hop" and poorly constructed pitchfork handling laws, really nobody can be safe. So, are you plagued by living in a small Hillbilly town? Well here are some common dangers to stay away from.

Farmer's Daughters:
Luring suitors with their ever tempting siren songs, Farmer's Daughters are a dangerous meal for the average young man. On the one hand, it is an unspoken rule in the Hillbilly land that Farmer's always have scantily clad, and attractive daughters who are just aching for a good time. On the other, slightly less comforting hand, it is a very violently spoken rule that outsiders are not to touch said Daughters. While one can risk it, ask yourself if it's really worth being run over for a tractor just for a small taste of that oh so sweet honey?

French Maids are much easier prey..

Banjo Duels:
Banjos are to Hillbillies as flint lock pistols are to Southern Gentlemen, when honor is at stake it's perfectly common in the land of the hill folk to hear differences being solved through the musical antics of two Banjo players. Unpredictable and untamable, the Banjo Player is a fearsome opponent.

One would expect the slight lack of teeth to prevent biting...one would be wrong.

Mildly retarded man with lawnmower blade:
Often seen befriending children and single mothers, most don't expect this quiet and mild mannered man to go off, but by golly he does. One day you're sitting there talking about different kinds of pastas and suddenly he just explodes in rage cutting off your head with a big ol lawnmower blade that you probably should have taken away from him the second you saw him.

That's an awful nice paper bag you have there Jimmy, if I didn't already have one I WOULD CUT OFF YOUR HEAD AND TAKE YOUR BAG AND THERE WOULDN'T BE JACK SHIT YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME CUZ YOU WOULD JUST BE SOME DEAD PREPUBESCENT!

Wolf Girl:
People raised by wolves always tend to be a little different. While I can't prove that wolf girls roam Montana it's best to play it safe. Bring along silver bullets, crosses, and the blood of a virgin. Nobody is quite sure how to kill a wolf girl, but one of those is bound to do it, and if not...well there really isn't a valid response to that...

She so crazy!