Note: You may notice all the screenshots are the same, that's because you will see that screen for about the first 20 minutes of playing the game until you figure out what the hell is going on.

Edit on behalf of the author: again the argument that Playabilty is more important than a Story to this type of game has been gnawing at me. So I've made Playability worth 30 and Story worth 10. Not that it really helped the score, but I believe in fairness.

Graphics: Unfortunately that opening paragraph does not bode well for graphics. Everything was taken from RMXP's RTP, if this was done on an rm2k game everyone would say OMGWTFYOUN00B but because it's rmxp the RTP hasn't been as widely seen people will give you a break. So let me be the first to say OMGWTFYOUN00B.

Now in order for me to award points I would have to say something good about the graphics, so we will suffice for this comment. When I was inside a building, I knew I was in a building, when I was outside I knew I was outside. Bravo.

5/20

Playability: Here is where a puzzle game should excel, HOWEVER here's a short list of the things we LACK.
A- Instructions
B- A slow introduction to the game rather than jumping us in at a difficult point.
C- The ability to live for five seconds in the first part of the game. You can only avoid instant death if you IMMEDIATELY move left and down, and even then there's no time to stop and think.
D- An author who deemed it necessary to make an event with more than 6 lines of code. The Ice in one of the levels ALMOST counts, but not really.
E- Increasing difficulty, it's pretty much on retardedly hard from the start.

Frankly it was like playing Pac Man except when I got caught I had to hit enter twice and read the same 3 lines over and over again. Haha I've got you or whatever the girls say. "You are mine." is another. The only playability in this game is the controls which are predetermined by the programmers of RMXP, thus this game shouldn't get any points for it.

0/30

Story: The argument has come up that a puzzle game or as the creator refers to it "a platformer" does not have a story. Sonic 2 was a platformer and it had a story, even Mario had a story, Jazz God Damn Jackrabbit had a story. Tetris maybe not, but Tetris still had text and some kind of interface so you had some idea what your goal was. This game just puts you on a narrow strip of land with "girls" who inexplicably want to kill you or something like that...yay?

In short, Bejeweled has a more gripping storyline than this.

0/10

Music: All RTP music can be acceptable, but there isn't even that in this demo. Nope, no music whatsoever. There's not even sound. I personally can't believe it because a game that lacks NO DEPTH whatsoever should at least have some kind of catchy tune to help you forget how bad you're being screwed in the ass, luckily you didn't pay money for this, but still you wasted 4 seconds downloading it, and you can't put a price on time.

You can't give points to what's not there. On the other hand there's no squaresoft tunes strumming the whole way, and that certainly deserves a point.

1/20

Finishing The Job: In the end what it all comes down to is that calling this a "video game" is the equivalent of calling Night Court uninteresting, the biggest difference is that Night Court seems to be more interactive than this...thing. Frankly it wasn't worth the time it took to find a copy of RMXP. I make sure at the end of all of my reviews to note that it shouldn't be possible to receive the lowest score, but when you're reviewing a game that's the bare minimum of what defines a game, I suppose anything is possible.

0/20

FINAL SCORE: 6/100 = F

Grading Scale

100%-90% = A - Wow you truly are god. Let me kiss your feet plz.

89%-70% = B - You've got Kinks to work out but it's still a very good game worth the time.

69%-50% = C - Meh it's not bad but it's not great. You've still got a lot of work to do.

49%-30% = D - Wow this really is crap. This is so bad I've put an ancient death curse on you.

39% and below = F - This score shouldn't even be possible. Your game has to be the worst piece of crap to ever grace this earth. I feel sorry for you and if you ever have offspring let me assure you they will be disgraced to know you once made a game this crappy.

Normally this is the spot where I say that these are just my opinions and it doesn't hurt to try the game out, but this isn't even a game that's so bad it's funny, it's just bad.

If for some reason you don't love yourself you can get the game here.