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Cherry Pepsi: Betrayal on the Foreigners Cherry Pepsi: Betrayal on the Foreigners
By Lord of Dingoes
The Bluebar Hill People are making these children suffer.....what are you doing to help?You've seen Cherry Pepsi before. Calm, cool, sweet... cherry-ful. But there's a dark and sinister side to this soft drink. This isn't any old secret. This is a SECRET OF THE BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON. Who are the BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON? They're anti-Brazil warmongers hellbent on never revealing Cherry Pepsi to the uncivilized world of Brazil. But first, you may be wondering, what is Brazil? Well, Brazil is a large village in northern China named after Brazil Braziloni Thompson of the REDBAR SQUADRON HILL ELEPHANT TRIBE. This information is all very important because it is not relevant to the story. Basically, the BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON had overrun the village of Brazil and taken their hill elephants. And their hills. They then ran away screaming for some important reason which I can't remember because it's not important. There (Wherever they ran to) they developed - Yep - Cherry Pepsi. Back then they called it Arocknock. A-Rock-Nock. Say it with me. They called it this because... Anyways, changing the subject back to present day.

The deep, dark secret. The BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON refuses to, even now, bring their Cherry Pepsi over to the fair village of Brazil. But why SHOULD it be in Brazil? Well... Brazil is the leading manufacturer of Charmin toilet tissue. This, if you didn't know, is a brand of edible toilet tissue that tastes like a fruit rollup, and you eat it after you're done wiping. This makes for a very efficient cycle, where you use the toilet AND get dinner at the same time. For those of you more health-conscious consumers, you will already have known also about Aspara-Wipe, another product from Charmin. It's made of compressed asparagus in paper form. You just boil, wipe, and eat. No cleanup! Because of this revolutionary product, Brazil was promised import of ALL major beverages. This should include BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON brand Cherry Pepsi.

What do you think fuels this player? It sure as hell isn't Sprite.In conclusion, the great people of Brazil need Cherry Pepsi. They require it to live! Thousands of children every day die of premature-superhuge-finger-nail-growth every year, and what's the main cause? You guessed it - Cherry Pepsi. Some think that the BLUEBAR HILL PEOPLE SQUADRON does this on purpose... but we will never know. So please, sign this petition _________ (Sorry folks this is all the space for everyone's name) and tell your local government, school of fish, or maybe your cheating spouse about this! It's important to the native Brazilians' health.